On Marriage
This morning (yesterday morning by the time this is published) on the way to work I heard a couple of conversations between a radio DJ and some people who called in. They were talking about marriage. I don’t really know what the context was but one of the callers said something along the lines of “you should stay together for about 5 years before you get married. That way you know each others bad habits and you know if you can handle them.”
So I thought I would share some of my thoughts on the matter with you my loyal readers (all 2 of you 
)
I really don’t get the whole co-habitation before marriage thing. I mean if you are OK with living together while you are not married, then why get married at all? If the institution of marriage is so important to you that you need to tie the knot in the end then why cheapen it by living together for ages first. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe in marriage, I think people should get married, I just don’t get the attitude of living together first to try things out.
Yes I know you don’t buy a car or a pair of shoes without test driving them, but if marriage is seen in the same light as a car or shoe purchase then it is no wonder people are so quick to throw them out or trade them in when they get a little uncomfortable or develop an annoying knock.
Marriage is an investment what you get out depends on what you put in.
The other thing that worries me about the “live together for five years” thing, is that you are just setting yourself up for failure. Ever heard of the seven year itch? Well if you live together for five then get married then the itch hits 2 years in to your marriage. And at that point it is easy to bail ’cause you have so little invested in the thing.
A little later this year Marla and I will celebrate our ten year anniversary. It kinda just snuck up on us. That is cool. To know that I have spent the last 10 years with this amazing woman and to know that I love her more now than I ever did before. The strange thing is that over the years we have learned things about each other that we would rather not be the case, things aren’t always perfect. But when it is good it is amazing, and I am very glad that I have spent as long as I could married to this amazing woman, and not waited 4 or 5 years to get going.
Hmm this post kinda changed course as I went along.
Oh and our seven years came when CJ was about 1 year old. I think we were just to tired to notice the itch.
[photo credit: Andrew C]
P.S. If you are a “live together first” person, please understand that I am not trying to be critical, I just don’t understand that way of doing things.
Test drive? Well, taking the car analogy further – co-habitation is test driving. And if you don’t like the ‘car’ do you trade it in. That is sick on so many levels. In the end that would be advocating secondhand spouses. ok, remarriage after divorce or death excluded. But if you have the option, a new car is better – especially if the price is the same.
I am rambling.
ok and sometime love is a choice, and sometimes it is just a feeling. And I believe that a relationship cannot thrive on either of them alone.
.-= Phillip Gibb´s last blog ..Help Build Camp SonShine 2 Classrooms =-.
‘scuse me. I am a FAITHFUL reader just a bum writer. So it’s not just Phil and Kathy who read yourposts
Sorry Mom, I was not meaning to be literal about the 2 readers
Feedburner says there are 30 people that subscribe to the feed alone. And I know that you read every thing I write
It keeps me careful about the type of thing I say, knowing Mom will read it.
Ghello. I am also a faithful reader. I love it when a new post comes along and I always laugh when I read them (whether it’s at the content or the spelling
) and earn a few strange looks in the computer lab. Makes me wonder if the people there have really boring lives or if they have just learned to contain their laughter. I just don’t reply so often cos I have to type in my whole email address when I do and it’s just a pain. Love you Beeb 